I am every man, i am no man….

Who am I?

This is the question from the well known Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi (Nan Yar?). The work is actually a compilation of dialogues/Q&A with his devotees where people asked him, “Who Am I” and he responded with teachings on self-inquiry. I first came across his work in a recorded lecture given to me during a Yoga teacher training class. I found the inquiry compelling; it opened a great many questions within my mind; really, it coalesced the questions floating and bouncing around within my little brain.

Regrettably, I lost that CD but not the general meaning of the self-inquiry.

Just who exactly am I? Am I the son, the brother, the husband, the father, the corporate guy, the software dev, the engineer…or am I really none of these? I looked deeper and found the real question was less “who” and more “what”? I began pondering the nature of self and finally existence. What is it to be? When we use these verbs of being in our everyday discourse, what do they really mean?

About this time, I left behind my spiritual pursuits and focused on my place in and of the world. There is a popular saying, “Be in the world, not of the world”. Well…I fully immersed myself IN the world. Technology, engineering, corporate advancement, money, stuff…these became my focus. I still dabbled a bit with the difficult questions, but they were pushed aside as I worked 100, 110, 130 hour work weeks and traveled among the states and Europe in service of my employer.

Eventually, that caught up to me and I was forced to slow down. Truth be told, I really wasn’t happy with my life in the “world of man”. I yearned for something more – esoteric knowledge, an understanding of the very components of existence – the old question that hounded of just what “IS” really meant. I rekindled my quest for spiritual enlightenment. I began studying Torah, Kabbalah, the writings of various authors including Solzhenitsyn, Nietzsche, Maimonides, even a bit of Aristotle and Plato. I realized THIS was truly my calling.

As is often the case for those such as myself, severe health issues struck and I found myself nearing the ultimate answer. One night, death visited and we talked. I decided to stick around; I just had not learned the things I came here to learn in this life. The reaper acquiesced. Shortly thereafter, I ended up in the hospital where I spent two months watching my body – specifically my heart – fight with the doctors. It was agonizing; medieval. My mind grew sharp even as my heart failed me. Once more I had the option to move on to the “next” but declined. I just did not learn what I came here to learn.

Eventually, the doctors decided the only solution was to replace the part of me that was failing. I received a heart transplant in November of 2024. I was home 10 days later and began recovering, once again resuming my studies and the spiritual quest in earnest. THIS is the thing that drives me; the reason I am still here.

My goal with this blog is to reflect on the things I discover as I dig even deeper into these topics. I am focused in Judaism at present, a deep rooted study of Torah, but this is not the only ancient text from which I draw revelation. In the never ending march forward, we’ve largely abandoned ancient knowledge – knowledge of things that go beyond science, math, and modern secular systems. Ironically enough, ask any serious scientist and you’ll garner an admission that we are in the process of coming full circle – our modern day models are bringing us right back to where that ancient knowledge has long since already been, just through a different path.

I hope others will enjoy some of the insights I’ve gained even as I gain them and write about them here. I hope to also meet kindred spirits and teachers who will help me further expand my own discovery. Many Lamps, One Flame is where I gather my discoveries. It’s a place for seekers, teachers, and kindred spirits. I don’t claim final answers — only sparks to kindle the search.