The Crisis
In November of 2024, I was at death’s door. After 22+ years of congestive heart failure, a thyroid issue brought on by one of my medications (Amiodarone) put the final hit out on my heart. I entered the hospital, not expecting to come back out. The doctors took nearly three weeks just to get me stable and by the time they did, I’d undergone many procedures, had an external pump added to my heart, and my ejection function was at barely five percent.
That done, they began to talk about a heart transplant. At first, I was in an absolute state of shock as I did not think I would even qualify for such an option. Thus began a litany of tests – the most in-depth, conclusive, and intrusive physical examination of my life. I’m happy to be here today to say that I not only was a good candidate but the procedure, and ensuing year so far, have been a success.
I’ve always been a spiritualist of a sort, and this brought to me a dilemma. Many cultures and belief systems see the heart as the seat of the soul; an intrinsic part of the very embodiment of vitality. There are many, many recorded testimonies from folks who receive heart transplants and change. Some find they have new likes and dislikes, others experience personality changes, and still more go through drastic upheavals in their lives.
The Question of the Soul
What would a heart transplant DO to me? Who would I be afterward? Would I still even be ME?
I consulted several spiritual leaders for their input — two ordained rabbis, a minister, a priest, and a couple of others who spent a great deal of time dealing with matters of the soul. I expressed my concerns about what this might mean for my soul — my essence. All told me basically the same thing, without hesitation. That no one part of the body “houses” the soul, it is far more encompassing than that, and to move forward with the life-saving procedure. I’d been given this opportunity — blessed, as it were — and that made the direction forward a clear and uncomplicated step.
So, I did just that. Along the way, I experienced some pretty wild things (topics for another post). Long made short — I no longer have reason to seek proof of the divine and yet, I managed to come away with even more questions than the time before the transplant! One answer I have though, and it’s an important one…I’m still me, no new likes/dislikes/personality-traits, although I am filled with a new sense of gratitude — in particular to my donor and his family — and a greater appreciation for life.
Energy in the World’s Traditions
I felt as though I’d lost access to the divine energy (Shefa/Shekhinah for the Kabbalists among us). I could no longer sense it; feel it moving within and around me. Initially, I put this largely down to the trauma of the whole experience and my own coping mechanisms. After many months, I did start to sense things again but it was not the same; it was dull in comparison to what it was before.
Every belief system I’ve studied over my life speaks of energy flows.
Hindu/Yogic tradition tells us the body is infused with prana, the vital life-force that moves through many thousands of Nadi (subtle channels), converging in vortices known as chakras which are linked to organs, consciousness, and states of being.
Chinese/Taoist tradition speaks of the Qi (Chi) – the universal life energy that animates all matter, flowing through meridians.
Buddhism, particularly the Tibetan schools, speaks of the subtle body with its tsa, winds, a central channel along the spine (and flanking channels), with an interdependency of energy and consciousness.
Judaism, in particular the Kabbalistic tradition, envisions the tree of life with its Sefirot, Shefa, Shekhinah, and the breakout of the soul itself into Nefesh (the vital embodiment), Ruach (spirit; emotions and morality), Neshama (the divine soul), Chayah (think of the aura), and Yechidah (the direct connection to/with the divine).
Christian mysticism has much the same idea as Judaism but streamlined — there is a divine soul, a life energy breathed into us all by G-d, circulating between heart and brain with the heart being the seat of the soul and the mind the seat of divine illumination.
Islamic mysticism (Sufism) speaks of lata’if, subtle centers awakened through the remembrance of G-d, and of nafas ar-Rahman — the breath of the Merciful that sustains creation.
Indigenous and Shamanic systems (in general) carry the same concepts with life-energy pervading all beings, objects, and natural phenomena with flows maintaining harmony between human, nature and spirit worlds.
Even modern and neo-pagan paths echo the same current — crystals, Reiki, mediumship, Tai Chi, acupuncture — different symbols for one reality.
I could keep going, but I think the point is clear — many lamps, one flame…many pathways, but it’s all about the flow of energy.
The Severed Pathways
What happens to the flows of energy in the body when the heart is removed, and replaced? Worth noting too…the vagus nerve is disconnected from the heart and never re-attached. The heart has its own little nervous system that keeps it going, taking cues from biochemistry (changes in hormones and such within the body) but the vagus nerve is a main connector/pathway for the human nervous system and the transplanted heart is not “wired in” at all. Could this explain why I could no longer sense that inner current? And, if so, what can be done to reconnect to the current?
My interpretation of all this has been that although there are subtle channels through which divine energies flow within the physical embodiment, that flow can be disrupted by many things not the least of which is a major surgery like a transplant (in my case, heart transplant). I did not lose part of my soul when my native heart was removed, nor did I pick up a piece of someone else’s soul when the donor heart was sewn into my circulatory system. (That’s not to minimize the importance of the heart or diminish it to the role of a simple pump either.) However, there can be no doubt that the flow within and around me has been changed.
When such a thing happens, we need to adjust to the new flow. New pathways will be built over time, gaps will fill, blocked channels will see walls disintegrate. Those who are more aware will likely notice these changes more so than those who have not yet reached that level of awareness. And I won’t lie — it’s tough because you literally feel like something has been taken away; far more profound than the simple loss of the organ.
Reconnection and Renewal
Odd though it may be to believe, it has taken me almost a year to finally begin to understand this feeling — the seemingly blocked sense of the universe. I mean, sure, I can see the world around me, smell the smells, hear the sounds, taste the tastes, feel the touch…but it’s been as though I was cut off from the actual energies of creation. Slowly but surely, I’ve begun to notice these energies again and yet, there’s so much I felt before that I am not yet fully sensing again. Gaining an understanding of what is happening though…that is something I truly wish I had realized much earlier. It informs my meditation practices and energy work.
The energy centers/vortices are still there and energy is still flowing through them; I’ve just lost some pieces of the old wiring diagram. New channels have been forming and I have begun to regain awareness of them, which means I can focus my attention to those areas and reach out to them, encouraging and directing some of those pathways. The energy network itself – be it the subtle channels within or the transcendental network that overlays the physical realm – is still present. It’s just a matter of healing and once more grasping discernment.
And, of course, time. It’s been almost a year since the doctors gave my life this jumpstart (11/9/2024). I’ve been as patient as I could be, watching and listening, knowing things would settle back into place. The transplant was the gift of life; sensing the subtle realm is the restoration of eternity.
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